Not Part of the Plan

Twice, my plans for one horse were interrupted.

The first time, she was beginning her training.

The second time, she was supposed to be retired.

Both times, I thought the interruption had changed the story for the worse.

Both times, a year later, a black foal stood beside her.

The mare’s name was Domyno.

She was jet-black with a bold white star on her forehead. While she was still young, I had already planned the years we would spend together—riding, chasing cows, and exploring the river hills.

Then one night, the neighbour’s stallion got out.

In the morning, we discovered which mare he had chosen.

Domyno.

I was devastated.

Three years of planning. Dreaming.

Gone.

Or at least, that’s what I thought.

For a few minutes, my emotions churned, and I couldn’t approach Domyno. I didn't want to take my frustration out on her; it wasn't her fault. I eventually picked up a brush and started to groom her. The rhythmic brushing helped me come to terms with what occurred. We would face whatever came next together.

Still, I hoped there would be no baby.

As the months passed, her belly grew larger and rounder. By spring, there would be a foal.

Domyno gave birth to a black colt with a bold white blaze and white socks.

We named him Indee.

I waited impatiently for Domyno to raise her colt so that we could wean him, and she and I could get back to the business of riding. At the time, Indee seemed more like an interruption than a gift.

I had no idea what he would become.

He grew into one of our family’s main riding horses, excelling especially at cattle work. He could stop a cow in its tracks with a flick of his tail while quietly guiding another toward a different gate with the angle of his neck.

Even now, Indee loves to play tag before he is caught. Bring out a cookie, though, and the game quickly becomes “Feed me another one.”

Eighteen years after Indee was born, Domyno was retired. I had decided to let her spend the rest of her days peacefully on the ranch.

Then our stallion got out, and a small group of horses escaped with him.

Including Domyno.

Once again, I was concerned.

By then, Domyno was twenty-one. She had proven herself to be an exceptional mother. My concern wasn’t that she couldn’t raise another foal.

It was that she had already done enough.

After years of riding and raising foals, she had earned a quiet retirement.

Now, once again, my plans changed.

Over the next year, I watched her closely, giving her extra oats and hoping she wouldn’t foal again.

But once again, her belly grew round.

Spring would bring another baby.

Exactly one year after the horses got out, Domyno gave birth to a jet-black filly.

We named her Esperanza, the Spanish word for hope.

Now, five years after Esperanza’s birth, Domyno is twenty-seven, with grey flecks in her hair. She is doing well.

Indee is semi-retired.

They spend their days resting and grazing together. If we take Indee out for a ride, Domyno waits at the gate for him. When he returns, her whinny is the first thing to greet him.

These days, when I go looking for Domyno, I almost always find Indee nearby, grazing quietly beside her.

Esperanza isn’t far away, growing into the next chapter of the story.

Neither of them was supposed to be part of this story.

I can’t imagine it without them now.

Interrupted: When Presence Became Protection

Sometimes an interruption changes the course of a day, even a life.

On our ranch, our paths often cross with those of the wild.

One sunny day, with only a light wind moving through the grass, we set out on horseback. Even the horses seemed glad to leave their fences behind and head toward the river hills that frame our ranch.

We rounded a bend in the trail, and a short distance ahead, a mother moose and her calf trotted toward us.

We stopped. She slowed, then veered off the path and into the forest, her calf close behind.

Her being there, on that path, in that moment—

felt almost deliberate.

We waited a few moments, then continued down the trail.

Within seconds, a bear rounded the corner.

He moved with purpose, steady and intent. At first, he did not notice us.

But our horses noticed him.

They bobbed their heads and tried to turn away. We spoke their names to steady them and held the reins to keep them from bolting.

At the commotion, the bear stopped abruptly, as though seeing us for the first time. He stared for a moment, then ran into the forest.

Away from us, and away from the mother moose and her calf.

I do not know what might have happened had we not come around that bend when we did. But I have often wondered whether our unexpected arrival changed the course of that moment.

Another spring, we were checking the hayfields to see how the grass and alfalfa had weathered the winter. As we drove the perimeter of one field, we saw a dark shape disappear into the forest, then re-emerge along the same stretch of fence line that marked the boundary between field and trees.

It happened again and again, so we decided to approach. Slowly.

We discovered a mother moose urging her calf to follow her.

But it could not.

Its gangly legs were tangled in the fence.

It could not get free.

We angled the truck toward the wire, using it as a barrier in case the mother moose decided we were too close. We waited for her to slip back into the trees.

When she did, Cam jumped out and freed the calf.

Then he leaped back into the truck as the mother rushed from the forest toward her calf, stopping only when she reached him. She sniffed him, then both disappeared into the trees.

Another spring, while we planted a field, two sparrows began flying unusually close to the tractor. Normally, small birds give wide berth as a tractor rumbles through a field. But that day, they kept drawing near.

Then they landed.

One settled on the hood near the cab. Another landed behind it.

Neither moved.

A hawk flew past the tractor.

Then it circled back.

Again and again, its shadow flashed over the tractor. But the sparrows remained, their little claws clinging to the metal.

For several minutes, the hawk kept pace with the tractor while the sparrows stayed where they were—resting, hiding, finding safety in the most unlikely of places.

They rode along until the hawk finally disappeared. When the sky was clear of danger, they lifted off and went their way.

One night, I was the one who needed an interruption.

It had been a particularly difficult day, and I was desperate for sleep.

But not that night.

A pair of foxes had taken up residence near the yard, and they seemed determined to express every thought they had into the night air. In the distance, coyote pups were practicing their howls. Their parents called out, and the pups answered with high little yips and barks.

An owl added its hoot-hoot from the trees.

Our dogs could not resist joining in.

The whole night seemed to have found its voice at once.

The noise drove sleep from me. I lay awake, unable to find relief.

Then a low, deep sound moved through the darkness.

A howl.

The kind that could only come from one animal in our valley.

A wolf.

He was close enough that his call was loud and clear. He howled only once.

And everything went silent.

The coyotes quieted. The foxes stopped calling. The dogs went still. Even the owl stopped hooting.

Silence settled over the yard.

And I smiled.

Such an unexpected interruption.

Yet exactly the one I needed.

A wolf.

Bambi

The coyotes’ shadows blended with the night as they traveled in single file on a well-worn path.

With silence, stealth, and gnawing hunger.

At the edge of the forest, hidden among the shrubbery, they paused. Surveying the landscape before them, they sniffed the air for the scent of newborn calves.

Their attention settled on a cow and calf sleeping near the edge of the herd, which rested quietly in the open pasture. With the nimble skill of seasoned hunters, the coyotes spread out—crouching low, surrounding their target.

At the leader’s signal, they shot forward and attacked.

The calf cried out, and the silence was shattered. Mother cows leaped to their feet, calling their calves to their sides. At the edge of the forest, one brave mother charged the predators. Fearless and feral, she lowered her head and rushed at the coyote that had sunk its teeth into her calf’s back leg.

The calf bawled—a desperate cry for help.

Three more cows hurtled into the fray, each targeting a member of the hunting pack. The battle was intense but short. The coyotes were turned back.

As the chaos settled, calves pressed close to their mothers, who stood guard. Alert. Watchful. Ready.

When the coyotes didn’t return, the herd grew still.

All seemed well.

Until it wasn’t.

When we found the calf the following morning, his sides were drawn in. When he lifted his head, his ears drooped, and his nose was cracked with dryness. His body bore scratches from the skirmish. We brought him to the barn to rest and rehydrate, hoping to return him to his mom once he recovered.

But he struggled to eat.

When we fed him from a bottle, much of the milk dribbled off his chin and onto the floor. At first, we assumed he needed time to adjust to bottle feeding—but as the struggle continued, we knew something else was wrong.

When we looked inside his mouth, we were startled by what we found. A piece of his tongue was gone, the edge marked by the unmistakable shape of a coyote’s bite. The remaining portion had swollen to nearly three times its normal size.

We transferred the milk from the bottle into a stomach tube, which allowed us to deliver it directly to his stomach.

We named him Bambi.

With a full stomach of warm milk, Bambi lay down and slept.

As his strength returned, we tried the bottle again. At first, feeding Bambi was slow. He mouthed the nipple awkwardly, milk slipping from his chin as he worked to drink without a full tongue. Little by little, he learned to mimic the sucking motion by moving his jaw instead.

After two days, he drank from the bottle, finishing it in minutes.

Through it all, Bambi never made a sound. The damage to his tongue seemed to have affected his voice as well.

But then, one morning, he let out a bright, cheerful call when we brought his bottle.

He had found his voice.

After finishing his milk, he ran around the yard—bucking with pure delight. That summer, Bambi stayed close to the yard, growing stronger by the day. In time, he became a herd sire, fathering calves of his own on the ranch.

Maybe that’s what hope looks like.

One small life.

Changed, but still moving forward.

With what remains.

One day at a time.

The Circle that Held

The vibrancy of some moments grows with time, and time itself reveals the depth of richness held within the heart of a mystery.

I didn’t know that on a June morning, watching horses from my kitchen window, I was standing on the edge of one.

Most summers, June is when we put a select group of mares with a stallion so that the following May, there will be a new group of foals. This herd had been together for about a week and had settled with little trouble.

Except for this morning.

Sipping my coffee, I watched an odd scene unfold before me.

One mare rested beside a sandstone-coloured rock, while the others encircled her like sentries, standing guard against any disruption.

The disruption they were shielding her from was Diamond, our herd sire.

Experienced and gentle with his mares, Diamond often got along with his herd. But this morning, something had shifted. Every time he attempted to enter the circle, the mares pinned back their ears as if to say—

Don’t even try.

Diamond read their energy and retreated, only to try again from another place.

Every attempt was thwarted.

The mares held their ground.

I looked back at the rock and saw a flash of movement.

Just a flicker.

Like the swish of a tail.

The rock was not a rock at all.

It was a newborn foal.

One of our mares had given birth in the night, and the others had formed a protective circle around mother and baby. The new mother rested inside that haven, fully trusting the mares to keep her and her foal safe.

And they did not fail her.

I went out to check on them. Both mare and foal were doing well. In time, we introduced Diamond to his son—a golden colt we named Duke.

As Duke grew, he became fast friends with his father and eventually followed in his footsteps, becoming the sire of many horses on our ranch.

Years passed. Duke’s sons and daughters became a significant part of our herd.

These horses carry a gentle quality of heart.

A kind attentiveness.

A willingness to draw near.

It is not uncommon to walk out into the pasture and have a few fall quietly into step beside me.

But one day, I experienced the full depth of what they carry.

It was a particularly hard season. Much around me was unraveling, and I was helpless to stop it. The shifts and changes felt less like transitions and more like ruptures—fractures moving through the landscape of the ranch and through my own story. Life would not look the same on the other side, and I could not yet see what that place held.

The pain I carried that day was deeper than words. So I went out to the horse pasture, leaned against a fence post, and let myself cry.

The tears came freely.

Then I felt a nudge at my elbow.

I looked up.

The horses—many of them direct descendants of Duke—had formed two quiet semicircles around me. They stood still, heads lowered toward the ground, holding space for my overwhelm without asking anything of me.

For a long while, I stayed inside that circle and simply received.

When I finally stood and moved away from the fence, the horses formed one large circle around me. Slowly, they walked with me—a moving fortress—as I returned to my story.

My reality.

But in that interlude, I felt protected.

Sheltered.

Not alone.

That day, I understood something of what Duke and his mother must have known the morning he was born.

The fierce, quiet strength that had encircled him at his birth had been carried forward into his offspring—horses unafraid to hold space for one who needed room to be messy.

To not have it together.

To grieve.

On a hard afternoon in a back pasture, that strength was offered to me.

I often think about what I need to provide for our horses so they can live well.

Safe pasture.

Good feed.

Training.

Care.

Love.

But that day, they gave me a gift I hadn’t known I needed.

A gift of presence.

They didn’t solve my problem. They couldn’t fix what was broken. They offered no solutions and asked no questions.

They simply encircled me.

Reading the language of my tears, they gave me the haven of their presence.

A quiet strength more resilient than words.

I often think of that day.

It still resides deep within me, in a place beyond full expression.

But I know I left that field different than when I entered it.

Stronger, somehow.

Not because anything had changed, but because I had been surrounded by a quiet strength that held space for me in my mess and my pain.

And somehow, that was enough.

In the end, their strength helped me believe I could take—

one more step.

And that was all I needed.

She Came Back

“Grandma used to say that when a mare disappears into the forest, that’s a good thing. The next time you see her, she’ll have a new foal at her side.”

The words barely registered as I picked at my nails and scanned the horse pasture.

It was spring. We had a group of mares ready to foal, but one was missing.

She seemed to have vanished.

My mind raced through every scenario. Trouble foaling. A hole in the fence. A fall. A bear.

Finally, the words spoken broke into the roiling chaos of my thoughts.

“What? Her missing is a good thing?” I asked, each word frosted with skepticism.

“Yes,” my husband said. “A good thing. The mares know what they are doing. She doesn’t need your eyes on her to safely foal.”

Yeah, right!

And yet, the quiet confidence of Grandma’s words resonated. She and her husband pioneered this ranch and carved a life here through hard experience. What they knew, they had earned.

Her words reframed the story I told myself.

The mares did know what they were doing. Each one was an experienced mother who had raised multiple foals.

But still, I worried.

Every morning, I went out to the field to check the mares. To count them. Not because they needed me to, but because I needed to see them. To reassure myself.

That they were okay.

I searched for the missing mare for three days. I walked the meadows, searched the forest, and scanned the sky for crows, because gathering crows sometimes meant something had died.

But the land was quiet, and the peace of the woodlands clashed with my agitated anxiety.

Every morning that I furtively looked for the mare, I also saw birds feeding their young and bees moving from blossom to blossom. They knew, intuitively, what to do. The life of the forest happened whether I was watching or not.

I kept looking, but the land held its peace, and slowly I began to hold mine. I wondered if my worry, disguised as care, had cost me the wonder of what might unfold.

Maybe mystery isn’t a problem to solve, but a marvel to embrace.

When I woke on the fourth morning and looked outside, there she was.

In the open.

In the sun.

With a new foal.

My heart surged, and I hurried outside. I walked up to her with cookies, ran my hands over both mother and baby, and checked them carefully.

She was calm.

The foal was curious.

They were both healthy and wholly unbothered.

A few hours later, they slipped back into the trees.

For another week, I only glimpsed them at a distance — in a far meadow, at the edge of the timber — moving easily, content, on their own terms. Bonding in the way mares and foals do when no one is watching.

When they finally came back to the herd, the young colt — the colour of burnished fire — walked out and joined the others, as if the forest had been where he was supposed to begin.

Grandma knew something I keep relearning. The mare knew the way. She did not need my watching over her to bring new life into the world.

What I cannot see is not always in danger.

Sometimes the unknown is not an invitation to worry.

Sometimes it is an invitation to wonder.

To trust.

To loosen my grip on what was never mine to control.

The Friend that Stayed

Out on a walk to check the animals, I noticed two horses in the distance.

Standing together. Standing still.

As I approached them, neither came towards me. Nor did they run away. They stood close together, their sides touching.

I drew near and called out to them. One horse neighed and turned its head towards me.

But the other didn’t move.

Concern filled my heart.

Something was off.

These two yearling horses—a filly and a gelding—were naturally curious and super friendly, the ones that would come to greet me when I entered their space.

I kept talking as I drew near. Then I saw the trouble. The filly’s eyes were swollen and weeping from infection. I called her by name, and she perked up—but she seemed to look through me rather than at me.

I wiggled my fingers in front of her eyes. She didn’t respond. She didn’t blink. She didn’t flinch.

She was blind.

“Oh, Ember,” I whispered as my heart broke. I reached out and touched her, assuring her I was here. Then, I reached out my other hand to Trace, her friend from birth—the one she had romped around the ranch since they were babies.

Now, he was the friend standing beside her.

Not leaving her side.

He couldn’t heal her eyes. He couldn’t offer a solution to the trouble. But he understood she was in distress.

He remained so that Ember would not be alone.

When her world turned dark and moving on her own became dangerous, he stayed close enough for her to lean on.

I hurried home and returned with two halters and lead ropes, although I don’t think I would have needed to halter Trace. He refused to leave Ember.

Together, we walked slowly toward the yard. Trace remained on one side, letting Ember bump gently into him when she wasn’t sure of the direction. I walked on the other side, rubbing her neck to let her know I was there, leading her with the rope so she would have something to follow.

When we reached the yard, I put Ember and Trace in a small paddock where they could remain together, eat grass, and be safe. Once settled, I treated Ember’s eye infection, hoping she would improve.

Days passed.

Slowly, the infection cleared. Ember continued to move carefully around the fence, relying on Trace to help guide her.

Then, one beautiful morning, Ember turned to me and walked to me on her own.

Her eyesight was returning.

A few days later, I watched Ember and Trace run around their fence, playing as if nothing had ever happened.

Today, Ember’s eyes are healthy. Her face bears the scars of her infection, but those scars are marks of survival. Of her courage not to give up.

And her friendship with Trace remains strong.

When I think of Ember and Trace, I am reminded that when things seem hopeless and dark, it is the steady presence of a friend that becomes a spark of hope.

A presence that says:

You are not alone.

Sometimes, a friend is all we need—to help us survive, to help us find our next step, to help us hold on while we wait in the unknown.